Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Success! We fucked roommates!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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