I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
