my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
