i just had sex bonerless
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
