dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
