Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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