i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
