so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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