Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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