She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
