I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize