based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
