"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
