You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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