Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
