I wanna bring you to show and tell
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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