Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
