My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
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The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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