Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
