I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
