Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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