Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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