Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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