I didn't shave. On purpose
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
