I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
