I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
