He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
