ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize