i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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