what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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