i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
