If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
