how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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