Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
