They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
