I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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