i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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