i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize