batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
