i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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