hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
