I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
