Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
