Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
