I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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