I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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