The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
two words: eviction party
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
