ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
