smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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