i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
