If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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