i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
