I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
