Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
