dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
