meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
