do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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