he puts the penis in happiness.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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