Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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