I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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