My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
