Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
