We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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