I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
