They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
