If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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