I think im going to throw up on grandma
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
