My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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