I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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