i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
