I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
