Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
