I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
