can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
