Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
