This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
