The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
