I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
