oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
