Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
