when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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